I began writing my “end of the year” reflection a little early this time around. Both gratitude and uncertainty fill me, but I continue to be optimistic and choose to celebrate the year and life. This year has taught me many things, but mostly, 1). we live in a very distorted world, 2). faith and purpose will be your guides, 3). it’s alright to fall and crumble, you will always find your way back, and 4). my Creator knows best.
What scared me the most this year, was how drastic and abrupt the change was. From coming back to Seattle, losing my cousin, borders closing, losing my apartment in China, all my valuables out of reach, my mental and emotional health constantly falling, and traumas replaying.
Yet, even with all the loss and instability, I found even the slightest bit of grace – in others, myself, and Creator.
This year wasn’t void of anything good, a reminder to me first and foremost. I lost, but I also won, and I’m here to celebrate all that has allowed me to come this far. Along with some corniness to make you smile 😉
Here’s to 2020: the year Rona revealed how many people don’t wash they hands!
1. My health
I’m living and breathing just fine, alhamdulillah. No other way to put it. To have health is to have the world in your palms.
2. My family
I’m grateful I’m with the people I love most during this time, even through the tough moments. I really missed my family, and I guess this was the answer to my deep longing.
3. Sisterhood
Grateful for the women who’ve checked up on me, those who’ve allowed my vulnerability, who’ve shared and taught me, and who’ve kept me in their silent prayers.
4. Rediscovering myself
Half of me has been rediscovered, while the other feels a type of emptiness. The part that has been rediscovered is what I’ve known my whole life. My purpose and love are everything and all things within the confines of art. And I’m learning to focus my purpose on filling that emptiness. It’s a slow and steady process.
5. Boundless Mind of Mine
My little child. She turned 3 this year! She’s constantly changing, and I’m continuously learning. She’s become part of my journey, and a reflection of my love for the world, my Creator, and for growth.
This year I switched hosts (at one point I thought I deleted my whole site in the process!!), reorganized my thoughts and ambitions, and invested in a couple of courses created by the wonderful Glo from The Blog Abroad. I see so much potential to do and be better, and that’s what I’m aiming for.
6. Dash of Gold
My other little child. She’s brought me steadiness, balance, and a sea of emotions. I remember telling myself that 2020 would be the year I would focus on creating art more consistently – in China. Little did I know this vision and prayer would be back home in Seattle.
But for every reason, I needed it to be where I ended up, for all the remembrance and purpose it gave me of who I am and where I must lead my life.
Even with all the stillness, I felt it a challenge to connect and completely delve into my artwork at times. I frequently took breaks, rested my mind, heart, and hands, and remembered how sacred work will always be at the tip of my fingers to heal me.
7. Reading
I can’t remember the last time I frequently read books I wanted to read. I enjoyed my college books (aha no shame), but this feeling of reading for the sake of pleasure, knowledge, igniting the imagination, and even escapism, has been so beautiful and even emotional.
I’ll have to write a blog post of all my 2020 favorite reads!
8. Investments
Both professionally and personally. I may have lost a whole lot in monetary means, but I didn’t allow that to completely stop me from acknowledging what I already had, nor stop me from spending on the little things that would allow me to rise with fulfillment.
Some of these things were:
- plane ticket home
- time with loved ones
- treadmill
- art supplies
- books
- new website hosting
- Million Dollar Shortcut course
- Blog Like a Boss course
- all my small business purchases
- my happiness
What I hope to invest in, in 2021:
- therapy
- life coach
- more time with loved ones
- hopefully more plane tickets if Rona and humans don’t continue to ruin my life
- practicing and learning more languages
- art supplies
- educational classes
- books
- and my happiness, always
9. Living Single
“We are livinnnn….oooohh, singglee. In a 90’s kinda worrlldd, I’m glad I got ma girlss. Doodoodoodoo, ahhhh!!”
This show made me happy, very happy. Everything from the cast, the beautiful eye candy, they fashion, they jokes, everything! It’s just an overall wholesome show that gave me all the feels.
What the hell is Friends…..
10. Malaysia & Indonesia
When Rona didn’t fully take over. It feels like forever ago, 11 months to be exact. A whole lot can change in a short amount of time, but I’m glad memories last. Banana fritters, you will continue to forever have my heart and stomach.
11. Clarity
This year was my Creator’s way of telling me to settle down. To sit down for a second, and to relearn and remember what it is that I feel most. My purpose. How I must give back, to both myself and those around me. Learning to sit still with uncertainty, because no matter what happens I know I will continue to pull myself up, finding comfort in Mama’s wholesome words, and reminding myself that this too shall pass. That everything I need is within me and within reach. From my Creator, by my Creator.
I celebrate clarity for all that it teaches me.
12. I am sufficient
I continue to feel and be sufficient, for every reason I should. My Creator continues to pour into me, and that is enough to know that I am loved, cared for, and purposeful.
13. Black women
Celebrating us today, forever, and always.
14. Cheeto puff is a goner
Petty a**. God will take care of him, along with all the curses all the mamas made for him after salat. I said all my Ameens.
15. My facial hair
You’re probably wondering what this has to do with any kind of celebration, but I wholeheartedly believe it has every right to be celebrated. I’ve embraced the unstoppable facial hair until further notice.
We celebrating growth, all kinds of it, and lots of it…
16. Meeting the cat behind my sister’s camera
Funny. My parents swore they’d never get a cat after Pookie and Um Daga (may they rest in peace), but then, they also said the same thing after Cheetoo who, “was stolen by our neighbor and made into a Christmas tree star” (my Mother). Please don’t ask. I honestly don’t know either.
And now, we have Mueza – the slightly affectionless cat, who is slowly plotting my death, and who I’m madly in love with. All I know is it’s a one-sided love story.
If you’ve read this far, thank you for joining the boundless journey, where we reflect, love, and learn boundlessly.
To the light-hearted, heavy-hearted, and everyone in between: you are doing just fine. Hang in there, and know that every part of you deserves to be celebrated every moment.
I pray you find your peace, sustenance, joy, love, hope, strength, and yo bag duh. May you sleep soundly, and wake up ready to fulfill your purpose each and every day.
Bismillah. Welcome, 2021.
What are you celebrating this year?
