I say my farewells to the year and a half spent in Hohhot and when I say the time has really flown, it really has shown no mercy in slowing down.
This week was my last and it’s a bitter-sweet feeling, knowing that I’ve built a life in this city and have made it home. My community, students, friends – everything!
I can’t say I’ve loved every moment, although I’ve learned about myself more than ever. I’m resilient, fearless in many aspects, and forever boundless.
As for the individuals who have touched me along the way, my time wouldn’t have been half the same without their presence and love. There’s a blessing found within the genuine connections you make when traveling, and it’s something that can never be forgotten. Your heart develops a love, not only for the people but for the one who placed them into your life. Life is a whole lot deeper than what it is simplified to be and I’m grateful for it all.
Living in a relatively small city like Hohhot hasn’t always been the easiest or the hardest. You’re stuck between feeling too isolated, to loving how peaceful your solitude is. One thing I can say is that I’m happy to move on for the sake of my growth.
I’m learning to attach less to the moments that brought me the most joy and refocusing on how joy and contentment can constantly be gained in many if not all circumstances. It’s a mindset and I’m learning that.
I’m realizing how valuable my experience is to me. Not simply because I have the privilege of living and working abroad, but rather how I continuously learn to navigate myself and the world. There’s so much trial and error, hurt, pain, and love in life, that I’m trying to give myself more grace.
One thing I’ve learned about myself and others is that we fail to acknowledge our own stories. We are very dismissive of the things we go through, and would rather not see them as unique, brave, or even interesting.
We don’t see our experiences as much because we live them every second. As a result, we water down our greatness. But that shouldn’t be the case. We must acknowledge ourselves and our power, whether known or unknown we come with.
I am guilty of this. But I too am learning that I come with a narrative that is distinct to me. A narrative I must embrace wholeheartedly.
My last month in Hohhot was probably the hardest, especially coming back from Turkey. I went through feelings of dissatisfaction and the eagerness of wanting to completely leave China. Yes; living in China can leave you feeling all types of ways.
But in terms of how I was feeling, I had to do some deep thinking of what I was going through. Were my feelings of dissatisfaction because my vacation was too short? Did I resent my job? And the list went on. Identifying the issue isn’t always the easiest part, but I knew something was wrong.
Considering the mellow lifestyle I live, it wasn’t that I disliked my life by no means. It had everything to do with the need and want of a transition. And when you’ve spent some time in a given place, as humans we naturally look for something bigger and better.
I constantly crave for my mind to be stimulated intellectually, spiritually, emotionally, and experientially, and it was evident I had outgrown where I was.
I desperately needed change. So that’s what I searched for, in a new and bigger city.
Hohhot, you’ve been more than good to me. From the beautiful and genuine souls to the streets of halal food and mosques. You became home to me, and knowing my nomad’s heart, I know I’m able to create a home anywhere. You will forever be known as the city that taught me what true peace and contentment are and so my heart is full.
Xiexie Nei Menggu, Huhehaote ❤️
